"In political news, Presidential candidate Wanda Perez sparked a firestorm of controversy earlier today when she unveiled her latest campaign promise: a proposed 'blanket pardon' for a variety of minor crimes, which could see nearly a million prisoners summarily exonerated and released. In response to allegations that she is 'soft on crime,' Mrs. Perez lashed out at, quote, 'the autocrats and slavers who rule the prison-industrial complex,' in a cryptic statement that appears to signal a planned cleaning-house of police and prison services. Political opponents immediately accused Mrs. Perez of launching a witch hunt - a choice of words which sparked vitriolic anger from the various witch covens and warlock cabals affiliated with her presidential campaign, culminating in an ongoing series of protests and public hexing rituals. Mrs. Perez herself stated, 'I have no interest in burning anyone at the stake, but if a handful of corrupt would-be aristocrats were to find themselves indefinitely incarcerated in their own prisons, I certainly wouldn't lose any sleep.' In media news, leaked photographs of what appears to be a page from the Endstorm 3 script have sparked a frenzy of speculation..."
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