"...In media news, the movie adaptation of Endstorm: Swords of the Space Warriors obliterated domestic box office records with a staggering $227 million opening weekend. Critics panned the movie as 'crass,' 'mindless,' and even 'insulting,' with one going so far as to say, 'watching Endstorm made me aware of my own mortality, and also of my desire to die, before the thirty-minute mark.' Nevertheless, theatres throughout North America are overrun with record audiences. Director and Producer Sudonym Jung attributed Endstorm's success to 'the unprecedented cultural relevance of cool swords and gorgeous heels,' but refused to appear on camera for a quote. In cultural and political news, the Church of the Perfect Crust released a formal statement condemning atheist celebrity Brock Rollins for dismissing the fledgling religion as a 'cult for greasy adolescents.' Let's go to our correspondent, Jaime Cantos, for an interview with Wanda Perez, Priestess of the Crust."
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