“We’re only a week away from election day, and what a long, strange, divisive race it’s been. Despite controversy after controversy, Wanda Perez has gradually pulled ahead in the polls and is now believed to have a very real chance of securing the Presidency - an absolutely unheard-of achievement for a third-party candidate, particularly one who is also a non-Christian bisexual polygamist woman. WOW, that’s a mouthful. The whole election cycle has been like this, folks. It’s been hectic here in the newsroom, let me tell you.”
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