"Maria, this is Mohamed. When your wife hired me as a publicity consultant, I thought I was prepared for anything. I was signing up to do PR for a socialist lesbian presidential candidate who has two wives and a cult dedicated to pizza. My husband asked if I was sure I could deal with the pressure for the whole election campaign, and I told him, 'there is no way it can get crazier than this.' Why have you made a liar of me, Maria? I love my husband and now I have lied to him. I am reading the transcripts from the latest assembly of the United Nations and the words 'German suplex" are uttered at least nine times. I completely understand why you did what you did, but at the same time: WHY did you do what you did? Maria. Please. Just read an insincere apology in front of a camera or something. I will even write it for you. Call me back."
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